Perfectly Dysfunctional
by teammaddison
Summary: After loosing custody of their daughter to her abusive husband during their messy divorce Addison must fight to get her life back together so she can regain custody, and possibly save her daughters life.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Perfectly Dysfunctional

Author: TeamMaddison

Summery: After loosing custody of their daughter to her abusive husband during their messy divorce Addison must fight to get her life back together so she can regain custody, and possibly save her daughters life.

Authors Note: AU : Addison and Derek have a daughter together named Brooke who is now 4 years old.

Chapter 1: A Cry For Help

"Emergency custody of the minor child Brooke Shepherd will be awarded to the father Derek Shepherd effective immediately." The judge ordered, and then she looked at Addison who sat weeping openly next to her attorney. "Mrs. Montgomery it is obvious that you love your daughter very much. Get your life together. Get help. Go to a program. You can get your daughter back. This is not the end."

Those words lingered in her head. They haunted her sleep. It had been a week since the judge had made her ruling and there were no words to describe the emotional heartache she was in. She didn't know how to live without her oldest child.

Perfectly Dysfunctional. That's what she calls her life. She sits numbly on the couch as she watched her perfect little 1 year old twins toddle around and play. The TV is on. Some children's program she couldn't be bothered to remember the name of. The sounds of the TV and her toddlers shrieks and laughter washed over her. She was in a daze. It felt like she was under water. It felt like she was drowning and looking down on her life from above. Her daughter couldn't be gone. She couldn't be with him. Who in their right mind would grant custody of a small child to someone who abused his wife and terrorized their child for years? Evidence right? Her phone was ringing and it brings her momentarily from her trance.

"What do you want?" She snaps, but the pain she is feeling is evident in her voice.

"I just want to know that you are ok… Brooke is very upset that you chose the twins over her." His voice is cruel and mocking.

"For fucks sake Derek don't bring our 4 year old into this. You know that is NOT how all of this happened!" She closed her eyes and the events leading up to the Divorce and custody battle flashed before her eyes as if they were happening all over again. The daily abuse she hid for so many years. The depression that came along with it. The drinking. The cutting. The constant working. The affair. The divorce. The new marriage to Mark. The hospitalization. The twins birth. The sudden file for Emergency custody just as she is finally beginning to get everything back on track and get her life back in order.

"Oh you know that is exactly how this happened." He responded cruelly. She could hear their daughter crying for her in the background.

"Derek just let me talk to her. Please. Let me talk to Brooke."

"Why would I pay you that kindness?"

"Derek Please?" She begged. To her surprise the tiny sweet cracking voice of her oldest daughter came over the line.

"Mommy?" She asked. Addison could hear that she was still crying. "Mommy I want to come home! Please just let me come home!" She pleaded into the phone.

"Brooke? Calm down sweetie." Addison said trying as hard as she could to keep her voice steady and not to let her daughter know that she was on the verge of tears herself. She tried to talk as fast as she could. Derek has been known to snatch the phone away in the past. "Baby I love you. You have to stay strong. I will do whatever it takes to get you back. I promise." She hears a struggle, and her daughter shriek "Mommy no mommy don't go!" as Derek pulls the phone away from her and Addison hears his chilling voice come over the line.

"We'll see about that Addie." He snarled before the line went dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Perfectly Dysfunctional

Author: Teammaddison

Chapter 2:

Her body tensed as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her in a warm embrace. The twins were asleep in their double crib and she was standing at their door watching them breathe when he came home from his extra shift. She was wearing her same ratty old college night shirt as she had that morning when he left for work. Her hair once so vibrant and perfectly kept was pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. Maybe she didn't think he noticed these things, or maybe she just no longer cared. He would always love her. It didn't matter him if she was dressed head to toe in Prada or if she was naked wearing only a smile, but for her not to care was almost always a sign of deeper demons.

"Addie..."He started gently.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I just-" She started to make some excuse. She had been with Mark for over a year now and her body was still in a constant survival mode. She didn't know how to let him love her. Not anymore. Every time he touched her she had flashbacks of Derek and the abuse she lived through. The thought of letting anyone that close again was terrifying. She let Derek in and that mistake nearly killed her.

"I will always be here for you Addie. I am not the one who hurt you." Mark reminded her as he brushed his lips against hers in a delicate kiss silencing her. She flinched back and a look of distant memory shone in her eyes. " I could never hurt you." He let slip in a whisper without even the consideration that he HAD hurt her before. What he meant to say is he would never physically or mentally abuse her, he would never do what Derek did. That he has learned from his mistakes as well, and that is a part of his life that is over. He never was the best with words. He hurt her by cheating, It was in their past. This is their future. He had to make it work. There were more things to consider now and he would never make the same mistake again, he could never live with loosing her again. His heart ached as he thought of all those months when Addison and Derek were trying to "Work it out." after she had caught him cheating and left for Seattle. She told him he was no better than Derek. She chose to go back to someone who spent the last 11 years abusing her then to work it out with him. All because the Chief of Surgery called for a special consult and once seeing her Derek lured her in again with his poison. She risked the lives of their children. His body filled with rage all over again. He should have fought harder for her. He didn't want the things that went unsaid between them to be true. He didn't want to believe the rumors. He forced himself to believe all of her lies, all of the stories about how she was OK. He was in denial and it nearly cost her her life, and the lives of their children. He would never be able to forgive himself for that.

For a split second Addison relaxed into his embrace, but all too soon her over active survival instincts kicked in and she moved out of his arms walked down the stairs as a silent tear fell down her cheek. Mark sighed defeatedly and left to go shower. She forced herself to take a deep breath and keep from breaking down completely as she walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. She rummaged around in one of the back cabinets and took out a hidden bottle of wine and a wine glass. Without even a second thought she poured herself a glass. She pulled a box cutter out of the junk drawer to her wrist and was just about to press down, to relieve some of the pain inside of her when she heard the voice of someone she hadn't seen in a very long time. Her ex sister in law, practically sister, Amelia.

"You will never get Brooke back... not like this." Addison jumped. Startled she knocked over the glass she just poured. It fell to the floor and shattered. " I mean aside from the obvious that you cutting yourself in a poorly lighted kitchen is making you look unstable; you weren't even going to sanitize that nasty thing before you hack your arm open with it? You could get an infection, could loose your arm, you could die and then the millions of tiny tiny babies you would have helped could die...and you would never see YOUR babies again all because you didn't take that 30 extra seconds." At first Amelia sounded serious, but as she continued talking her voice became more gentle, more concerned.

"Damn it Amelia!" Addison screamed in anger. She sat the box cutter on the counter and turned around. She looked over to the kitchen table to see Amelia there flipping through the latest issue of Vogue. "What are you doing here? Who let you in?" She grabbed a rag and knelt down on the floor, picking up the broken pieces of glass and soaking up the wine.

"Mark told me where the hide a key was. You could have hacked a vein, you could have bled out on the kitchen floor. I practically just saved your life. Your welcome." She continued.

"What if that was the point?" Addison challenged.

"It wasn't." Amelia said firmly. "Let me see your wrists."

"How could you possibly know that?" Addison asked ignoring her request.

"I know because you have always said that suicide is selfish and you didn't understand how people could be so inconsiderate of those loved ones that they left behind. You are not a selfish person Addie."

"I can't believe he called you." Addison finished cleaning up and sat with her back pressed against the sink cabinet resting her head in her hands.

"I can't believe you didn't." Amelia sat down next to Addison. They had been through so much together. She felt hurt Addison didn't feel she could call.

"So what are you really here to do? Spy on me for Derek? Here to report back every little thing I do wrong so that he has an actual case against me?" Her eyes were filled with tears that she was trying so hard to keep from escaping down her cheeks. "I guess you are trying to get Ella and Sophia taken too right?" The stress from the day was weighing on her. She just wanted to get back to work, she wanted to get back to her normal life. She just wanted to know her daughter was safe and tuck her into bed with her Princess's and overstuffed pony. She just wanted to hold her in her arms and never let her go again. As much as she yearned for her life back there was also a part of her, even if it was small that wished She would just disappear. She didn't know how to live in this world. She was so use to smiling and making nice and pretending to be happy while she was so terrified inside. She didn't know how to feel anything other then constant fear.

"I am just here to help you get your life back in order so you can get Brooke back home where she belongs. There is no hidden agenda here just help offered and a friend if you'll take it."

Addison looked at Amelia and rested her head on her shoulder.

"I'm not the old Addison anymore. Im scared Mia." The tears that had been so threatening all evening finally escaped soaking Amelia's blouse as she cried info it.

"Thats OK because I am not the old Amelia anymore." She smiled at Addison. "Life changes you, and when you've been through bad weather you just have to learn to pick yourself up and dance in the the rain. You taught me that remember?" She stroked Addison's hair softly, tucking it back behind her ear. "Everything is going to be OK. Your going to be OK. None of this is your fault. "

Addison closed her eyes. Silently she prayed, even though she was not the praying type, She prayed that Amelia was right.


End file.
